It’s Too Hot
“I’m not going.” Bill plopped in his recliner and turned on the television.
“What do you mean, ‘You’re not going’?”
“Just what I said, Linda. You understand English, don’t you? I am not going!”
“But you promised we’d go to DisneyWorld on our next vacation!”
“I never promised I’d go to DisneyWorld in August, for god-sake!”
“But we haven’t been there since our honeymoon—”
Bill turned to face his wife, pointing the remote at her. “Right. That’s why I know it’s 100 degrees with 100% humidity in Florida in August. I refuse to wait two hours on line, surrounded by cranky kids, for a two minute ride that somebody probably barfed in ten minutes before. If I’m going to wait two hours on a line, it’s going to be air conditioned and there’s going to be a bar and a buffet at the end of it. I repeat, I am not going.”
“You didn’t seem to mind the heat when we were on our honeymoon,” Linda whined.
“That’s because it was our honeymoon. I was young and dumb and horny back then, and would’ve done anything you wanted if it meant I’d get lucky at the end of it. I’m older and wiser now.”
Linda tried cajoling. “You still might get lucky at the end of the day…”
“But after spending a day on the Epcot Death March I won’t feel up to getting lucky.”
“With that attitude, you might never get lucky again.”
Bill smirked at her. “And that would be different, how?”
“Well, now you’re just being mean.” Linda sat on the arm of the recliner and leaned in close, putting her arm about Bill. “It’s going to be our 25th anniversary and I think it would be so romantic to go back to celebrate.”
“Linda, honey, I’m not anti-DisneyWorld. Hell, I think it’s a great place. Just not in August.”
“But our anniversary is in August.”
“I know! I know! I’ve never forgotten our anniversary once in 25 years, have I?”
Linda frowned. “No, you’ve never forgotten. But–”
“I’m not going to DisneyWorld in August and that’s final.”
“No buts!” Bill got up from the recliner and went into the kitchen, leaving Linda still sitting on the arm of the chair.
In a few minutes he returned carrying two open bottles of beer. He took a swig out of one and offered the other to Linda. She accepted the bottle but didn’t drink, only looked at him with those big sad puppy dog eyes that always got to him.
Bill sighed and took another swallow of his beer. “How about a compromise?”
“A compromise?” Linda’s eyes brightened. She’d be wagging her tail in hopeful anticipation if she had one, Bill thought, not unkindly.
“What if we go in October instead of August? It’s still hot like our summers are here, but not that killer heat and humidity of a Florida summer.” Linda took a sip of her beer, appearing to think it over. “And to make up for it not being on our actual anniversary date, you can pick whatever hotel you like—even their most expensive, if that’s what you want.”
“I’ve always wanted to stay at the Grand Floridian…” Linda said thoughtfully, though still not agreeing.
Bill sensed her weakening and tempted her further. “Concierge level…”
“Seriously? You mean it? It’s so expensive.”
“Seriously. Anything to make you happy—except DisneyWorld in August.”
Linda smiled and clinked her bottle with his. “It’s a deal!”
~Elise Skidmore ©2018